Items ticked off: 24
I can say, without a single doubt, out of all the New Adult stories I've read, Real is by far the worst. Which is quite a feat, I must add, because lately I seem to feel this about most of the New Adult stories I read. But still, there is no doubt. This is the worst. Do I feel bad saying that this story should never have been published? No. Why? Because there's barely a story, and the few times it attempted to become something, it turned out to be highly offensive. I get that this is the author's debut novel and you can't expect it to be a masterpiece, but hell, this is barley a piece.
The content of his story can easily be summed up. Brooke goes to Underground fighting place, sees hot fighter. Hot fighter sees Brooke. They luv each other. He hires her as his "stretcher" (this is basically all she does). They lust for each other. They get down and fuck. Brooke finds out her sister is with a bad fighter who happens to be Remy's enemy. Remy gets said sister out of bad guy's hands. Brooke and Remy luv each other. End of story.
Interesting? Maybe. It could've been. There's one slight problem though. I am not kidding when I say that 80% of this story is Brooke's inner monologue about how Remy's God's gift to mankind. His rippling muscles. How him existing makes her sex clench. (Word count for the word clench: 71) And given that it takes nearly half the story for them to actually get down and fuck, that first 50% could've been cut from the story since it added literally nothing to the story. (Brooke's sister isn't introduced until after 50%. The first 50% of this story is Brooke explaining how wet Remy makes her by simply breathing. That, or every feature of Remy's. To top it off, Brooke and Remy doesn't have a long conversation written until after this 50% mark either. Because character development and characterization is dead. YAY!
Moving on. I get this one's main hope is to be sexy. Sorry, but I don't think I've read something that failed more. After the 10th time Brooke mentioned the word clench, I was ready to throw this at the wall. I don't get what was sexy. I was always betweeneew! mode and laughing so hard I cried. The sex. Just.. No. Okay?
I think I established earlier that Remy had no personality. And I will talk a little more about him later, but let's establish what kind of person Brooke is. To put it simply, she's a moron. She actually compares a chance at the Olympics with her love for Remy. That's just stupid. And offensive. Then, she's the most sexist person on the planet. She says making a man breakfast in bed gets her "juices going", and that it's a "female thing". Yeah, please take your sexism and get out. She's also supposed to be smart, knowing the human body and shit, so naturally, she rambles off latin names for our muscles and tries to sound smart. She constantly needs to explain terms that are taught in, like, ninth grade. Thanks, but I know my biology, and even if I didn't I don't need her pointing it all out for me. If you're not convinced she lacks complete knowledge of the human body, look at these quotes.
Every sexual organ in me is awake and aching. – Sexual organ? What?
My head is spinning inside my cranium. – Again, what?
Great, now that that's out of the way, let's take a moment to talk about the offensive level in this book. It's high. Incredibly high. Here's the thing: Remy has bipolar disorder. I'll give you this, I don't have personal experience with this condition, but even I know thatthis portrayal is so off the charts offensive it's ridiculous. Plus, it gets no other role in the story than to be an excuse for Remy to be a violent, possessive, red flags rising ass. None. Brooke doesn't give a shit either, and the only explanation we get for Remy refusing meds is because they don't make him "feel alive". That's it. The extent of the portrayal of his condition. Tell me again if this isn't offensive.
There are a few more themes that bothered me in this book, such as Brooke's best friend Melanie, and the lack of secondary characters, etc. but I feel like I've been rambling for a while now. So here's what you're gonna get from this book: 80% references to Brooke's sexual organs due to Remy, 10% attempts at plot, 10% offensive moments.